I love when I get little glimpses of home in the midst of work chaos. It helps reset my stress levels or annoyance levels. And yes, he gets a car for poopy in the potty. Girl’s gotta do…

You only wanted mommy. Every night of the last 5, I was the only one you wanted to be near. But it still didn’t help. Thrashing, fussing, crying out.

You had me ready to throw in the towel. You broke me. You will learn in life that breaking this girl ain’t easy. But you did it. I don’t mean to imply I was going to quit being a mommy or being your wubby, but work, yeah, work loomed over my head during all of this. Poking my shoulder like an annoying sibling. Having your cake and eating it to sometimes gives you a stomach ache. Just sayin’.

I just wanted to quit and pack us all up in a caravan. See the country. At least I’d always be there for you. Your daddy could paint for people. I’d, hmmmm, I’d sing those silly songs I made up for you and your brother. Do the kid’s birthday party circuit, maybe.

Of course it’s never that easy. Work makes it possible for me to be sitting here at the doctor’s office with you. It does a lot of other things too. If I weren’t so tired I’d tell you.

And here you are at the doctor’s. Here you are sleeping so soundly, barely a trace of the ugly evenings we’ve been having.

Just know you brought mommy to the brink little man. You have power you don’t even know. I’m a strong and stubborn gal. You break me. But you make me stronger, too. When I rise above the chaos and see myself calmly holding you while you scream and thrash. Not an ounce of tension in my body. Just calm. And I start to sing one of my silly soothing songs.

“Levi, Levi don’t cry. Ribeye, Ribeye don’t cry. Momma kiss your fat thighs so don’t cry…”

You took me to the brink, but I would never jump. I just got stronger. It’s a lot easier to quit than it is to find calm in chaos and comfort it. When you fell asleep, I conquered.

At least for one more day.

This is the face of a very sick baby. He’s spent the better part of the last 72 hours crying, coughing, nursing, clinging and dripping mucous. His mother is officially a zombie. She is currently capable of only drooling, mumbling to herself and standing for long moments staring blankly trying to remember what happens next.

She has hit the mom autopilot button, which works surprisingly well. The ad girl autopilot button, however, does not. Work will not take place as planned tomorrow, but trust us when we tell you that you are all better off without her around.

Most of these I can’t imagine anyone saying. Maybe they are meant to be funny? But I have heard things close or dangerously close to #5 & #7.

I think when people say “I just love them so much” or “I enjoy being with them so much” they don’t even realize what triggers in my mind and my heart.

I don’t get mad at them, of course. It mostly triggers those pesky guilty feelings I generally am able to keep at bay. But they do somehow imply I don’t love my kids enough. Which is just plain stupid.

I’m general, this article is pretty lame. Perhaps a bad attempt at being funny. But figured I’d share.

Hey ho, let’s go!! I’m really having fun adding gardening into our lives. With the stress and pressure of a normal workin’ momma week, it’s a great way to release the valve - on so many different levels.

Watching Ribeye (in the picture) roll and inchworms around to grab and explore in the grass.

Watching Monster D (the toddler) Get dirty, explore around and just be a boy.

Doing work with our bodies - hands backs legs fully engaged.

Laughing with my husband as we bumble through this new adventure.

Spending quiet moments reading about growing food, planting and planning.

The whole family getting in touch with this great Earth of ours and doing our part to love and tend to her.

I can’t think of a better way to completely forget about work, relax AND bond with the family all at once…

…and all in this little city we call home.

If you’d like to follow the gardening adventures, check out my other tumbler, Painting the Roses Red.

paintintheroses.tumblr.com

Me

This is what I missed when my flight home had mechanical work and caused me to miss my connection. Another night away. Boooo

It’s 5am. We had to carefully load both monsters into the car and head to the airport for a momma trip.

Yeah, we only have one car.

Luckily both boys stayed asleep. It makes my goodbye less pleasant, but hopefully Monster Dad will benefit.

My flight was supposed to be yesterday. That way we could all wake up at a more humane hour and enjoy coffee - maybe a little GMA - before heading off to our meeting.

Not now. 3:45am came early after having a little suckling baby next to me all night. Or rather, when my night started at 1am. After a cancelled flight, I turned lazy and didn’t pack even a sock until 11pm. Ugh.

Anyway, we’ll see how this trip goes. I haven’t pumped in forever it seems. Which means my pump is generally out of sight out of mind. Which means at work and NOT in my bag. Oh great.

I grabbed my hand pump, but looks like Monster Toddler played with it and lost some pieces. A trip to the store will surely be in order.

These crazy people are going to find fault in everything! Serious lady, you suck.

Every bit of promotion of breastfeeding means one more mom will try and one nursing mom will go one more day. It’s not as if there is a law forcing women to do it. This is all merely efforts to remove hurdles a lot of women have. And isn’t that the point?

It also means that someone who can’t afford the supplies can get a little break to help pay for them. Sorry but anytime our money goes into helping our children have happier healthier lives, I’m for it. I can find a million other questionable things my tax money goes to. But questioning when it helps our babies, not on my watch lady, step off.

Nanny state? If government isn’t in place to help take steps to make the world better for our children than what is it for?

Bravo Mrs Obama for supporting all mothers!! Finally a first lady doing things we care about.

<\rant>